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have impulse control. 'Stop thinking' aka Cognitive Behavior Therapy is an excellent way to deal with the compulsion so you won't have to deal with a reality of any number of things which might happen if you allow yourself to follow through. The next time you feel overcome by this feeling you should concentrate on NOT doing it, how to, with whom, the feeling, the fantasy, simply concentrate on getting through exactly 4 minuets with MINDFUL intention to NOT doing it. When we allow ourselves to "ride the wave" or "enter the compulsion" we are simply allowing ourselves to be overcome by negative "uncontrollable" feelings. The good news is, 1.) You recognise it as such 2.) Compulsions are manageable 3.) There are alternatives for you to engage in healthily and with your husband if he consents. There are plenty of ways to feel "out of control" or "like there was nothing you could have done" It's a fairly common fantasy and people do as you, pretending their mate is their fantasy person, so you are half way there with that IMO. Asking your husband to be rough, gruff or temporarily affect isms while having sex is another way to say, "talk dirty to me" and he might like it. I have been able to illicit participation from a partner without ever telling him my exact fantasy and the details it. Sometimes all it take s is a little creative thinking with your partners personality in mind, of course it's a lot easier to simply tell him the truth but not all husbands lovers and friends can understand sexualised violence/force aka consensual KINK and so forging your fantasy in a less intrusive way is better for all concerned. I am looking for just Friend. The time and energy it takes to be able to work all that out me more than or equal to the time you spend or or are "compelled" to come up with scenarios about being raped by a black stranger who in fact , infect you, truly rape and injure you, blackmail you, stalk you or confront your husband and family. And that seems like way too much loss of control to take a risk on if you ask me. Stop to consider that when your fantasy involves another person , and in this case, an unknown person, that person have his OWN AND VERY DIFFERENT idea about how things turn out. Playing with fire is dangerous.
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